


Imagine That 'You Tried' Sticker

by NotYourAverageAce



Category: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 13:42:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17684567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotYourAverageAce/pseuds/NotYourAverageAce
Summary: Link and Kass do a fuck. There is an accordion in there somewhere. No, not in 'there' there; in the story. Head out of the gutter you weirdo.





	Imagine That 'You Tried' Sticker

With arms beefed up from playing that goddamn beautiful accordion every goddamn day, Kass carries Link over to his bed-nest he made up on that weird mushroom-looking platform in that one place with a lot of those things, whatever they are.

It is now a love nest. Like, a literal love nest. So that’s neat.

Kass plops Link right on down into the hay but not in a ‘hit the hay’ kind of way but in a ‘alright let’s make sex eyes kind of way’. They start taking off clothes, which you would figure would be hard for a man with feathers for fingers, but if he can work accordion buttons he’s probably fine.

Luckily only the pants really have to go. Link just takes off all the things, though, because of course the bottom does. The yaoi tell me so.

Bird dick. It’s a goddamn bird dick. Go watch ZeFrank’s video about ducks on youtube and then keep on reading. Heck yeah spiral dicks, comin’ at ya boy Link. This is gonna be so sexy, probably.

Link pulls some kind of lotion out of the void that is an inventory that fits like 10 freaking swords at the same time. What did he make it out of? Chu chu jelly? Can you make it out of hot or cold chu chus? Is that stimulating? Is that sexy?

Someone else answer that. What’s important is the lubricating effect. Link puts that gooey slick whatever-the-fuck all over Kass’s corkscrew schlong and starts pumping it with his hands, grip strong from pretending to be Spiderman to get up to every high place ever. He tries to put his tongue on it but it’s a weird shape and honestly I have no idea how that would go down but just imagine it’s really sexy and that they’re both really into it.

Link also feels himself up. Because that is also probably sexy.

They don’t come yet though because let’s be real guys can only do it once and while this is a shit porn fic there should be some physiological accuracy here. Kass bends Link back onto the bed and gets his derriere up where he can make use of it. He opens his beak and kinda flicks at the mushroom down there between the thighs, like how a dog would try to grab a snack off the table with just its tongue but again more sexy. Lips would be nice, but a beak is a beak, so let’s just deal with this reality and move on.

Now for the sausage thing you’ve all been waiting for. Kass puts the weird corkscrew thing right up there, all squishy and wet from the mystery lotion that may or may not be made from chu chu corpses. The bard man then sticks the peepee into Link’s poophole and starts to thrust in the fic-familiar motions of sexual intercourse.

I don’t think feathers make a lot of noise when they smack against flesh. Maybe it’d be a soft ‘pfff’ noise or something. You’d get the ‘shlik’ noise every time the peepee went into that poophole but you wouldn’t get that slapping noise. However, if you watched that ZeFrank video, you would know the neat frog tongue abilities of a duck penis and boy does that thing go in deep. Hell to-the-freaking yes.

Also, instead of moaning, Link is probably just yelling ‘HYAA!!’ with every thrust, but this is my fic and my fic says that Kass finds this super kinky.

Kass tickles Link’s titties with the tips of his feather hands, sending shivers of lust and also probably uncontrolled gigglefits down Link’s tummy. A couple pinches get in there once in a while so that’s also cool.

Then, finally comes Link’s favorite part. What we’ve all been waiting for. The pièce de résistance in this meal that is actually just sex.

Kass reaches over Link’s head and grabs his accordion and you know this shit is gonna get real, real fast.

Those first notes send Link over the edge which is weird but screw you too. He ejaculates onto his stomach, sticky on his belly button, while Kass comes right up in there where the sun don’t shine.

He continues to play the accordion while he does this. Link is super turned on.

The sex was fucking nice. The end.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday to my friend for which this was made. I won't give their name because I can't imagine they would ever want to be associated with this hot, hot garbage.
> 
> I regret everything and nothing.


End file.
